what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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