did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
