I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
