Someone shit on the floor
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
