but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
