Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
