Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
