it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
