i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
