i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
