she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You pole danced in your parka.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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