im six kinds of drunk right now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize