We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
