her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
