i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
