Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
