My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
