eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
