but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
