i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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