my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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