My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
