I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
