just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
