a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
