I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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