The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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