I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
