Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
