FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
