you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So squirting runs in the family.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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