Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
