I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
