my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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