i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
