AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
