you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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