my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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