and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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