Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
