Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
