he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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