he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
