Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
