Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
