so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
