i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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