someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
