The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
