Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
