im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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