I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
