After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
