we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
