Say something about gay babies.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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