"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
