This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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