Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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