His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
