accomplished twins. life is a go
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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