She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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