I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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