he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
