I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
