spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
