Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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