Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
