she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize