When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
