I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
