you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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